The Real Muldoon

So what’s this all about? I hate to be a spoiler, but the good people of Newburyport have taken a staple in the Bubba vernacular and ruined it, much as they have everything in the ‘Port.  For me, YEAT has always meant ‘you eat’ or ‘ya eat’. I have heard ‘yeat da bun’ once or twice, a long time ago, like 1978.

YEAT was a derogatory statement (used by kids in both the North and South end of town, both mildly rugged in their own way) meaning "YOU EAT". What are the victuals in question? Genitals of some variety (there are only 2 or 3 choices). If you yelled "YEAT" at a girl, particularly with a guttural emphasis, you may face the wrath of her or her brother/father/boyfriend/cousin-boyfriend, as it inferred that you want the girl in question to eat your genitals.

I love watching the yuppies drive with those stupid euro ID white oval stickers on their cars with YEAT emblazoned upon it. There are those who buy them and really mean it. A blazing middle finger to ‘the pilgrims’. The easiest way to differentiate between the two is to call out "YEAT". A puzzled look or a weak response is a dead give away. To natives, YEAT has morphed a bit into a friendly greeting, but only to other ‘portbubs.

On to WEE. Now, this one is different. Having spent 3 years immersed in the culture (dripping sarcasm) of B-Y-F-I-E-L-D! Byfield, Byfield, WEE! WEE! WEE!, I had to adjust my trademark jeer. I never really adapted tho. I am not a WEE kinda guy. It doesn’t sound natural coming from my mouth as I am not a Byfielder. I was born 3 miles away in West Newbury, but that might as well have been the Flungpu province of China. Wee is used as a greeting, alot like Aloha (Thanks to Pete Eaton for the enlightenment). I have seen guys walk into the fire station and say nothing other than WEE as if saying hi. It was answered by another legitimate WEE and it spoke volumes. My jaw hit the floor.

WEE is also used as an authentication. WEE answered by a legitimate WEE is an instant born and bred in Byfield beacon. I salute and respect that, but this has also been hijacked by some asshole who has made the little white oval stickers and silly post-9/11 jingoistic barf bag of a tee shirt that reads "Let WEEdom ring". 

Now Seabrookers, they don’t fuck around, they just throw rocks.

My parents blessed me with a pretty cool name- Richard Wylie Curtis. Its got it all, Dad’s waspiness and Mom’s Boston Irish/Scottish thang in the middle (although Muldoon would have been cooler). Being from a different generation and planet, they didn’t choose the heppest nickname for me.

Richard may have the largest number of nickname variants out there. Chad, Rick, Rickie, Richie, and what my parents cursed me with- Dickie.

Dad called me Dick, and the females in my family (all of my siblings and Mom) called me Dickie.  Dickie. Say it- Dickie. Cute, no? Little blue eyed kid, missing front tooth- Dickie.  Dickie is a good West Newbury name, where there are no scummy, bad, malevolent people and you’re the richest family in town.  When we moved to Newburyport (1978- the ‘port was still a nice sleazy fishing town overrun by drug crazed hippies with a cool toy shop that sold corgi cars), Dickie wasn’t going to fly- I thought it was cuz we were broke. Dick had a much manlier (little did I know) feel to it.  So my friends called me Dick.

• got any gum on ya, Dick?
• got a needle Dick?
• got a pencil Dick?
• is that Dick Brown?
• is that Dick Hurtz from Holden?

After moving around the country and living in whiz bang dynamo towns like Georgetown, MA, Hinsdale, NH and Beaufort, SC, I unceremoniously arrived back in the ‘port. I quickly changed my name back to Richard. A few years ago I tried Dickie again in a new town in Maine (by the way- nice tooth is NOT a compliment, especially in Biddeford). So I have a multitude of friends and aquaintances and ex’s and I can’t remember what my name was. Thanks Mom, thanks Dad.  I love you.

Call me Authur- King of the Britains.

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